My Blog

From the people who let their
hearts out on the plat form and also those who silently listened on their seats,
what a surprising event that day for an open forum. Different kinds from
different acts made their way to cry.

Some
cried for the accusations other people are throwing onto them. Other cried for
the guilt. Some cried for the discrimination. Some cried for some personal
dilemmas. Other sobbed for someone on how others think about them. Others made some weepings because of
other’s attitude. Some cried how sick they are of the non-stop cries dedicating
themselves to solve the never-to-be-solved problems. Others weeped for the
changing atmosphere. And everybody cried for our hopeless section ‘Faraday.’ Everything was dramatic but deserves
a laugh although it isn’t funny.

As each of them
unfolded their feelings in front, my mind rattled more than they said it. I
have realized that other people understood but others did not. Letter A people
blamed the Letter B people by saying that they are ‘nagmamarunong’ or
‘mayabang”. Honestly, It’s not the Letter B people’s fault. It’s dignified how
the Letter B people got hurt enough. But both sides admitted their oppressions.
That was an event of knowing those who cared and who don’t.

I
know that everybody passed that ‘C’ thing. So, Faraday are not all cheaters.
The thought is,”IV-Faraday: Some are cheaters. Some were cheaters” Yeah.. Gong
back to the past years, others remained but others refrained. Some continued, some changed. They keep on insisting
that our section is a piece of cheat. From that, others rejoiced but few were
insulted but still took up the word ‘piece of cheat’ for the sake of the many. So
many weird moments that time.—-Erica made her first cry at school….I saw
people hugging…etc..

The
love and the kinship have just dried up. I don’t know what to do beyond those
outbreaks of pain. I can feel how the
tight world became delapidated. I hope we can fix all over again in front of
our own worlds. It’s awful to feel and
think for these unlimited riots. Shame on US people!

The grades, the scores, the
prizes, the underserved blessings, the fame….. yes! Lara is right that
everything is a JOKE! And everybody is pushed to believe it.

What a different place!

So shameful…

It’s good to let ourselves be
free and move on…

• Leave a comment... (2)

Hhhmmm.. It’s
dumbfounding how I open my first blog huh.

Something
bothers me every nights of insomnia recently. I’m happy that I’m an outcast no
more. But another conflict on myself I’m
gonna face. I just want to see myself in the different right place. I can see
myself so weak at other’s eyes. And I
can see fear on my own eyes. It’s funny to notice the unnoticeable but I mean
it. People are used to know me as someone who can’t answer the teacher’s
question immediately. People are used to know me not reciting, performing so
apathetic and always on my chair looking down. People are used to see me not on
the plat form or stage, but on the backstage. But I’m not idiot. My fear always
comes first everytime I see high-pride faces. What a wicked act.

Because of that
disgraces, I want to change. I’ll say ‘It’s time to grab a prize, hit some high
scores, be mature and fill myself with courage’… Yeah! It sounds motivating but
still a daunting lie. But although there’s no reason to be hopeful, I really
want it. And so, now and then, I can feel a bit of change because of Lara and
Fel. A big thanks to them. Then the people again. They talk about how odd I
became. They don’t want it. They want me to stay as puny. And I’m so tired of
waiting for their mouth to say some insulting words. For the pangs, I just
spoke up saying ‘I don’t waste my life with cheats’. Then, noise of silence
dispersed with the air and their eyes so red on me. I’m sorry for that. I
breathe out with confidence that time.

Another
circumstance of change again. Nowadays,
I have joined seminars and trainings. Yes, these are extra-co curs but I’m not
after the points. They, again the people, think otherwise. I caught them up
murmuring ‘huh? Sasama nanaman sya?’, ‘Wag ka nang sumama.’ Aside from that,
some of them pass by to let me hear that
‘nonactive people don’t deserve to be a participant.’ Crying out in front of
them is a dummy thing so I’ll just hold it until I get home. But why should I
believe them. They are not my parents. They are also students but just taller
than me. My mom said that they are not the only ones with money. And that I
must joined activities that I didn’t experience during the past years. Honestly,
what I wanted is how the game molds me, not how the fame tricks me. From what
Lara said, “ It’s not important who you are
before but who you would be after”. Thanks to her again.

Until now, I’m still
struggling for changing my ego which is weakness. I hope I can overcome the fear
that makes me weaker and weaker. By the way, this is not for me to be pitiable.

From the title, That’s how I compared myself as a mushroom that grew along the cracks.

• Leave a comment... (0)