POSSUMS

Posted on November 27th, 2008 in Uncategorized by pam-evans66

Implementing community projects for the leadership, for the environment, few hearts from few people, the life improving gadgets and machines, the deserving reader, the genuine people–these are just 20%. From the stupid inventions of technology, the miserable lives of people, the delapidating environment, the mild minds of the youth that turned to wild, the corruptions from big men, the grim threats, abuses and crimes, the useless witts, the endless poverty, the downbeats of progress, the unlimited poppings of faces in the smallest spaces, the unpaid mortgages, the increasing prices, the stinky blood of disgraces, smell of the decaying society diffuses–these compose 80%

    For the obliviousness for reality, technological products are getting smaller and smaller and smaller and then maybe gone! In politics, they waste their time sitting on a foamed rotating chair with a sweating mineral water bottle on the desk and cool breeze while secretly make their pockets full. With the joke of justice, the unforgiving crimes and wars even exceeded Hitler’s violence. The what we call ‘nation’s hope’ at their emo style can be seen in computer shops late at night, at disco houses, and even at a stranger’s house doing their routines and habits, sex and drugs. You can see the population becomes millions, billions, trillions in just a click. The mountains of garbage there, the dark waters here, and a big whole up there–how pitiable the surroundings are.
    How about the people? From a true story of a photographer who commited suicide after taking a picture of a sick African infant lying on the sand of desert with his skinny body while suffering from unrelieving thirst and hunger, that slowly kills him. It’s just life-taking to be aware of the world weariness. While looking with a teary eyes at a closed up photo of a dying person, it makes you feel your own mortality, the ultimate alienation of you from yourself. But how come more people are just getting busy wasting food and water, making themsleves suffer, laughing at themselves, on how they love to count money but hate math, contributing their dirt to pollution, their never-ending complaints at the government, the depressing arguments, no care at all, and being dead. Don’t we know any actions rather than to eat, to work, to chat, to tell  a lie, to watch news and just end up saying ‘oh my god’ infront of the T.V. about the worst happenings around, to steal, to kill, to enter the church, to pretend, to sleep and to die?
    With all these immoralities, the cries of the unborn harbingers are overheard. And people shout out how concerned they are for the future but accomplished nothing. It was listening Jason Mraz’s ‘I’m Yours’ song again and again but didn’t understand the lyrics. Sitting on a rocking chair while waiting for a universal remote, or waiting for superman to uphold the riots wouldn’t ever help. Don’t act as if reality has no appeal. The change is just in our hands. Let our mind and heart open to the apparent world we are living in. All of us might feel a desire to redo our lives if we want to and be wiser and better or worse. Bring an unpassing past, a presentable present and a featurable future. Don’t be a helpless possum. Don’t push with force, push with love.
Follow the rain. For rain doesn’t fall, it hits the ground.

 

 

??? pretend… sleep…

THE GREATEST SECRET IN THE WORLD

Posted on November 15th, 2008 in Uncategorized by pam-evans66

I’m so proud that I know the greatest secret in the world. Wanna know?You have to read this full blog if you want to. Remember every sentence that seems worthy to be remembered.

Hey, I have my own thought of it. I didn’t copy Og Mandino’s philosophy.

I swear. His’ is different from mine.

I will start it with some learnings from my own experiences.

Did you hear something like ‘get lost! You don’t belong here’? Me? I didn’t yet but I can see it how they look at me. That happens when I’m‘accidentally’ chosen for a contest.Yeah, ACCIDENTALLY is their term. For them, I don’t deserve a thing, that I’m incapable. First, when I was a contestant for the Division chemistry quiz to represent our school.I can’t forget that.I wasn’t even noticed that I will be joining. They didn’t expect from me. It’s hard to hear the ignorance and hesitations. Everybody kept silent when my name was announced. It’s even funny when our teacher asked a student, who she believes to be in my place, why she didn’t get in. She answered that she is really smart but just didn’t review. Hhmmm..Noticing, I think all of us who joined the elimination didn’t review. Not one of us. It’s a heartbreak when I’ve known that she must replace me but I didn’t accept it. Then, at the time of the contest, I proved that I’m not just me. I got rank 4. I received a medal and a certficate. The second one was when I joined the Yes camp at Dumaguete City for a seminar and a slogan-making contest. That was a big leap for me because it was my first time to join such art contest in a national level. I was very happy when I was appointed but the mood changed when many reacted and when I lost from the contest. I cried so much because I was the only one in the group who lost. I arrived in that place with their voices in my head saying that money is really powerful and departed with tears. I’m a pleasant person. I’m so quiet for the pain. When I wanted to reach something, they always pull me back. The third one– when I was qualified for the PMO qualifying stage. And again, I didn’t make it to the next stage. But that’s ok because I’m already used to fail.

They are laughing when I loose but when I achieved something, they would say ‘dinaan lang kasi sa pera!’. They said that in a way of a joke but I think they mean it inside. Yeah yeah. I have accepted every shame with all those downfalls. So now, I just feel nothing everytime I fail. Apathetic!. It’s my habit and routine to fail, that’s why.How? Amid the moments, their accusations run in my mind that clogs and weakens me and then boom! I lost! Anyway. It’s not their fault, it’s mine. Why am I letting myself affected? You see I can’t turn away from making wrong without abandoning myself when I’m hurt and afraid.

From that, I just keep in mind that people don’t say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through. For them, they shoudn’t compare themselves to the best others can do, but to the best they can. And that money is a lousy way of keeping score. With connection to friendships after I lost, we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

Some things I learned inside my failures: Simplicity is the keynote of success in any endeavor. Learn more to prevent failures than to gain success. Failure is not a hindrance but a token to success. I believe that there are no accidents in life. You can’t have an apple or grapes from a santol tree. These are plans of GOD for you, not accidents. God knows what’s the best for you. We are here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift that’s why they called it the present (kung fu panda).We should not be that person who knows an angel when it is gone. There is no such thing as level zero (kung fu panda). I also believe that not all ‘great’ wins. Sometimes, the weakest can defeat the strongest.

Panda: But I have no claws, no wings, no venom, no kung fu moves like the ‘furious five’. I’m not the dragon warrior. I’m just a big, fat panda!

Master Shih Fu: I don’t care. You are the one who is destined to be the dragon warrior who will win the battle! You can’t change that.

The greatest secret? Well, the greatest secret in the world is that there is no secret. Very true! There is no secret. You just have to believe that things will turn out to be special!

No secret is the secret.

CRUSH

Posted on November 15th, 2008 in Uncategorized by pam-evans66

I just wanna share something about having crushes. Kinda’ nonsense…

It’s good to be uknown you know. Don’t ever shout to the world that you like him or her. You’re a fool if you’ll do that. Once you did, it may grow pointless. When some people have known that somebody has crush on him/her, they would play. A play in which they would act as if they also like you. And you? You’ll expect and believe that it’s real. Then comes obsession. And there will be the time that it will turn into love. And when you’re in love, you’ll do everything to please him. But when you realized the fact, it is a break down.You will realize that they have just reflected what you felt and they didn’t even really care. Crushes will just crush your world. That’s how it is.Deal for real!

Wag masyadung majalteng!

BREATHE

Posted on November 15th, 2008 in Uncategorized by pam-evans66

While reading this, play the song ‘BE STRONG’ by Fefe Dobson as a background music.LOL

I was thinking outside my head when I said ‘I GET IT’. I already understood.

I have understood so many things. I know that I won’t move up by sitting on my knees and telling the world how great I am today and gonna be tomorrow. I don’t want to say how wonderful things will be someday. I’m not looking for guarantees because I don’t need them.What I wanted to do is to go to a place where people who can’t deal with the world go and where I can risk letting the world to break me. Sometimes you have to let yourself free from your own hands to enjoy your unenjoyable life and to save yourself.

I know I will be the best performer in front of an empty crowd. And it’s good for the reason that I won’t feel nervous.I will be famous when nobody dares to know. I will be the best singer when everybody is already deaf. And it’s fine because I have a horrible voice. I will be beautiful when everyone is already blind. I will be the best writer for an idiot reader. At least without the use of nose-bleed words for them not to understand. I will be the only star when the sky is clear. I will be a marine captain without a ship. But I can build my own little boat. I will be the greatest artist when there is no paint. Anyway, I don’t want my brush strokes to be imitated. I want to fly not like a bird but like a hero. Yeah, I will be the greatest hero when nobody needs to be saved. I’m gonna be happy because everyone is already alright and safe. I will be somebody when there is nobody. I know I’m the toughest of the weakest.

That’s how I will be. In a wall, I will be the hole. In a rock, I will be the crack. In the forest, I will be the cave. I need to cope up and be who they wanted me to be rather than bein’ what I wanted to be. I’m already tired  here behind my shadows. I’m tired of pretending to be real. I can be gorgeous, talented and the best just for 3 seconds–just the duration of saying it. But I can’t do anything. I don’t know why I lure in a war I can’t win. I like to crawl into a hole and hide from this disgusting world. Everything I touch turns into ash. I just won’t win. I’m sick of punishing myself before going to sleep. I just have to do things I never wanted to do. I know I’m not a go-with-the-flow type but I need to be. I should act as if I belong.

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring. And I’m not hoping to turn everything that way. I m not hoping for anything or anyone to change, or happiness safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. I want to give myself permission to rest but something bothers me. But I’m not lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place to blame for the things that I have and that I didn’t have. I learned that I don’t know all the answers. It’s not my job to save the world because I know that it’s not all about me. I need to let go. But beyond those sufferings, I still reach inward and open outward.

This is not a paranoic drama.

Credentials on the wall won’t make me a decent human being.

Now, I want to fake a breath of relief!